A Dramatised 2v2
by M4R1N4 R4CU
Summary: Normally, when you play CR, all you see is little tiny cards walking around the screen. No big deal when one of them disappears in a splash of elixir. But then again, you never had the chance to see a 2v2 through the eyes of the cards themselves... (Rated T for language hehe)
1. Where it All Began

It was a beautiful spring day in Spell Valley. The King stretched his fat arms and hopped out of bed. It was time for the daily 2v2, and there wasn't a minute to lose.

Preparations were already underway. He could hear scuffling noises combined with cries of "MAGIC! FIREBALLS! SHOWTIME!" and the Witch's quiet moans.

"Guys? What's going on?" The King yelled, poking his head out of the bedroom.

Wizard was sitting on top of a struggling and squirming Witch, his arms triumphantly crossed on his chest.

"Witch was being…ahem… _naughty_ again."

"What did she do?"

"Broke Bowler's heart."

"I didn't mean to-o-o!" wailed the Witch. "But would _you_ go on a date with a 7-foot tall purple dude with buckteeth?"

"Silence, whore!" The King imposingly thundered. "Where is the victim of this _strumpet_ 's heinous crimes?"

Witch whimpered quietly on the floor.

"He's currently sobbing in the bathtub," Wizard informed the King with a despondent shake of his head. "Princess is doing her best to comfort him, but…" his voice trailed off.

"As punishment," The King soberly pronounced, "You will be the first card deployed in our next 2v2."

" _No, sir!_ " wailed the wretched Witch. "I'm too young and legless to die!"

"Silence!" The King proudly turned to leave. "Pathetic wretch."

" _PLEASE DON'T GO, SIR!_ "

"What, you want to break his heart, too?" the Wizard looked scornfully down at the Witch.

Just then, a sobbing Bowler stumbled into the room, Princess holding his enormous purple hand.

"Get ready, Witch-b*tch!" Princess spat. "King Clash is deploying you first! Let 'er go, Whizzy."

"Good luck!" Wizard said with a sly smile as he pushed the sobbing Witch out into the arena.

 **Thx for reading guys! This is my first Fic Royale so plz be kind.**

 **I WILL update this. Stay tuned!**


	2. The Downfall of the Witch

Chapter 2

Just like that, the 2v2 began.

The Witch hesitantly floated out, visually scanned the arena, then began floating as fast as she could towards the enemy tower. A speech bubble spewed from the enemy's Tower sporting an animation of a laughing King.

The King, Witch bitterly mused. It was his fault that her life was practically over. And Bowler's, at least partially – to say nothing of Wizard.

Determination set in her heart, and her tear-filled eyes turned a more piercing shade of hot pink.

A Hog Rider began galloping towards her. Phew, thought the Witch. Her life was prolonged by a few seconds. Hog Rider galloped right past her, eyes set on the Princess Tower.

 _He can smash that bastard's brain out with his hammer for all I care_ , Witch spitefully thought. The Enemy Tower was in close range now. Melodramatically pointing her hand skyward, the Witch deployed her troop of skeletons.

Just as she was proudly watching her little baby horde of bone-heaps run towards the enemy tower, a bolt of lightning came rocketing down from the heavenlies upon the screaming Witch.

She had paid for her cruelness – with her life.

"So, how d'ye feel now, Bowlie?" Princess asked concernedly, as, hand in hand, they watched Witch's death. "Better?"

Bowler sniveled a little, then blew his nose so loudly that the King's crown toppled off his head. "Okay, I guess," he grunted. "But cookies would have been nice, too."

The King patted Bowler's bald purple head. "I know how you feel, son. I-"

"WAIT, I'M YOUR SON?!" screeched Bowler, the expression etched across his features describable only as the very definition of the word _awe_. "I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A DADDAAAAY!"

He gave the King a bone-crushing hug, then sat down on all fours and began lapping like a dog. He then offered King his boulder as a gift.

"Oh no, son, keep that. You'll need it," the King smiled. "You're up next. I'll give you all the cookies you can eat when you come back!"

"Sure, Pops!" the Bowler was beaming ear to ear. He carelessly careened out onto the arena, then turned, looked back at Princess, and yelled:

"Will YOU go out with MEEE?!"

"Yes, yes, of course! Now go, GO!"

"YIPEEEEEE!" Bowler positively howled. He charged towards the Enemy Tower with hope in his eyes, but…

But…

He was suddenly attacked by the HOMICIDAL LUMBER-FUCKING-JACK!

"NOOOOO!" The Princess screamed, tears streaming down her cheeks and putting out her fiery arrows.

"I'm so sorry, hon," the King quietly said. "But these things happen. You gotta be brave."

"YOU SHUT UP, DAD!" The Princess raged. " _YOU_ JUST SIT IN YOUR TOWER ALL DAY LONG WATCHING US DIE! WE'LL SEE HOW _YOU_ LIKE IT!"

She made as if to push the King out to join the Wizard who was furiously trying to fight off a Musketeer.

" _Magic! Fire_ -" his catchphrase was cut short as he saw Princess stumbling bewilderedly out of the Tower.

"Dad just threw me out of the house for telling him to shut up!" she cried.

 **OK guys… sorry for the cliffhanger ending. Will update as soon as I can. #Cut4Witch!**


	3. Princess' Life Is a Lie

Chapter 3

A Baby Dragon flew blunderingly towards Princess.

"OH NOOOO!" Princess wailed. Her entire life flashed before her eyes. She tried to reach up and shoot the BBD but, unfortunately for her, her angst had, a few minutes ago, put a swift end to the "fire" part of 'fiery arrows'.

 _I'm doomed_ , she hopelessly mused, futilely shielding herself with her pathetic bow. She closed her eyes.

Just as she was expecting to die just like her lifetime rival, the Witch, the BBD sat down in front of her.

"Excuse me, miss," it lisped, sounding like a 4-year-old from some 30's musical, "I'm looking for my mommy. Have you seen her?"

"Thankfully, no," Princess nervously giggled.

"GOODBYE, CRUEL WOOOORLD!" the dying Wizard wailed from beside her. The triumphant Musketeer made her way over to the Princess tower. A wave of guilt crashed over Princess' heart. She was useless, there was nothing she could do to save her fiery friend.

Then she had an idea.

"Listen, I'm your mommy, _darling_ ," she said, trying to sound as tender as she could.

The fury of the 2v2 raged about the hopeful Princess and the puzzled Baby Dragon.

"You don't look like mommy," he said slowly.

"Plastic surgery, hon," Princess replied with a smile.

"Oh, OK. That makes sense," the BBD said.

"Listen, baby, I need you to do something for me," Princess awkwardly began.

" _Anything_ , mommy!" he rapturously exclaimed. "I _w_ ove you!"

"You see that bad lady with pink hair and a musket?" Princess pointed at Musketeer.

" _Rachel_? She's nice. She babysits me sometimes."

"Ummm…" Princess hemmed and hawed awkwardly. "That's not Rachel. She's wearing a Rachel costume so she can capture you and punish you for not brushing your firefangs last night."

Baby Dragon gasped in terror.

"OK, mommy, so what do I do?"

"Mommy needs you to go there and breathe a bit of fire onto her. Actually, a lot of fire would be better. Can you do that for mommy?"

"Sure thing!" the BBD flew over and set the Musketeer on fire…

…Just as the Musketeer was shooting Princess.

Yeah.

Awkward, I know.

 **Well. Bye-bye Princess. Let's all welcome the angsty, revengeful anime hero-like BBD who is plagued by flashbacks and guilt.**

 **Wait for chapter 4!**

 **Reviews are LOVE.**


	4. Revenge of the BBD

Chapter 4

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" howled the heartbroken BBD. "You killed mommy! How _could_ you?!"

He wished Musketeer would have made a bloodboiling speech just before BBD killed her, like some psychotic anime villain, but, unfortunately, Musketeer was swiftly turning to a pathetic pile of ashes.

BBD let out a mighty cry of rage that shook the whole arena (as well as a few sparks of flame). Anger pounding in his heart, he agilely made his way over to the Princess tower.

"You'll pay for this, bastards!" he let loose a mighty volley of flame.

"What are ya _doin'_ , Baby?" Hog Rider hollered witch a thick afro-american accent as he rode past the revengeful, chubby hero. "That there's ya _own_ Towah you settin' on fire!"

"It's _Musketeer_ 's Tower." Gasping with uncontrolled rage, the BBD blew another wave of devastating flame at his own Princess Tower. "Musketeer killed my mother – and this is where she came from. I'm sorry, I don't belong to this Musketeer deck anymore."

A Minion flapped over to him, sputtering with rage. "What do you _mean_ , killed your mother?' Your mother is right there, up on that Dragon Hill, remember? Musketeer killed Princess! That's our enemy King's daughter! SHE TOLD YOU SHE WAS YOUR MOTHER SO SHE COULD TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU! _AND YOU KILLED RACHEL_! HOW COULD YOU _FALL_ FOR THAT?! UGH!"

As if to punctuate the Minion's hard-hitting remark, their two Princess Towers crumbled into ashes.

Three large red and golden crowns floated over to the opposing team's half of the arena.

The words "MATCH OVER!" flashed across the sky.

"Heh, heh…oops," BBD cheesily mumbled, as a crowd of angry, sweaty, wounded cards gathered around him.


	5. Epilogue

Chapter 5

BBD's funeral took place the next Saturday.

His (real) mother sure did miss him, but, actually, it was all for a good cause because his early death inspired a "Cards Against Youth Violence" (pronounced 'CAVE') movement from Spell Valley to Legendary Arena. This movement led to a CAYV cult, with cards as diverse as Archers and Bowlers and Princesses and Miners wearing "Ban the Brawl" T-shirts and making speeches and stuff. It got a lot of media attention.

The angry Minion was promoted to the president of the "Ban the BBD" party that won the Elections Royale that took place the next year, so Baby Dragons never had to fight in the Arena again. Well, that is until they became adult Dragons and moved to Clash of Clans.

Princess actually survived Musketeer's bullet and founded the International Bowling Association in memory of her short-lived relationship. The Red King immediately regretted his decision and accepted her back into the Tower. When she became Queen, the Independent Bowlers' party never had to worry about celebrity endorsements.

The Hog Rider survived the 2v2 and got started on the preparations for his upcoming birthday party…

But that's a different story.

 **And I am so totally going to tell it in my next Fic Royale!**

 **Wait for "When a Hog and a Rider Fall in Love…"**

 **Nah, just kidding. I am definitely not gonna name it that.**

 **Hope you liked this!**

 **You probably didn't, but…**

 **Still. You know.**

 **OK, I'll stop now.**

 **Promise.**

 **Ciao!**


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